he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My liver just had a heart attack.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
