u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
