so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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