4 words: hood of his car
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she told me i tasted like america
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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