Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
