I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
