You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
