After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
