What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
