Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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