that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
