she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
