so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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