I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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