She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
