I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
