how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
