Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
