Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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