Jerry, you need to find god
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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