yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
