I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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