the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
