shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
