one two three fourrrrnication!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
