CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
