Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
