you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
