i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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