she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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