this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
