Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Two words: blizzard sex
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
