You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
