I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
