the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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