if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
