I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
