I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
