Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
