oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
