We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
