Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
