her vagine was all disorganized.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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