I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
