ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
