this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
