Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
