Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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