so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
