how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
