alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
