Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
