I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
