just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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