The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
