i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
